Return to Me Salvation
by FantasiCat
Summary: Duo thinks Heero has betrayed him, but he doesn't know the truth. Will his decision destroy himself, as well as those he holds most dear? Shonen-ai, 12 (COMPLETE!)
1. Betrayal

Return to Me Salvation

By FantasiCat

Disclaimer: I don't own anything! Except my ideas.

Author's Notes: Umm, this is my first Gundam Wing fic, AND my first real angst writing experience, so please tell me what you think. Also, I don't know much about the series or characters except what I read in Episode Zero and fanfics. Any OOC-ness is accidental. That's about it, so let's start the fic!

_Italics are thoughts_

Chapter 1: Betrayal

Duo Maxwell fell against the front door, his weight effectively closing it, before letting gravity take over and sliding down to sit crumpled on the floor, silent tears streaming down his face. _Why would Heero do this to me? I thought he loved me. He said… Duo hugged his knees to his chest and pressed his face against them. He closed his eyes, and once again saw the scene that had sent him running home in tears._

~Flashback~

Relena had invited Heero, and by extension Duo, to a party she was throwing at her house. Soon after they got there she dragged Heero off somewhere, saying she wanted to speak to him privately. Duo hadn't thought much of it at the time. Relena was always chasing after Heero. He went over to where Quatre and Trowa were standing with Wufei to say hi. A few hours later, Duo was worried at the fact that Heero hadn't managed to extract himself from Relena's grasp, so he went in search of them, hoping to rescue his lover so they could leave. 

After poking around Relena's house for awhile, Duo was about to give up his search and rejoin the party, when he heard what sounded like voices coming from behind a large wooden door. The first thing he noticed when he opened it was the large quantity of books lining the shelves. The second, was Relena and Heero making out by the fireplace. 

Relena looked up from her exploration of Heero's mouth when she heard the door squeak open. "Oh, look. It appears we have a visitor," she said with a sneer. Heero lifted his head from where it was lolling dazedly on the floor, his eyes locking immediately on Duo. For several seconds Duo stared in shock, mouth agape, before turning and fleeing the room.

He ran through the house, not seeming to hear his friends' questions as he flew past them. He ran through the streets, ignoring the startled looks people threw at him, his long, chestnut braid flying behind him. He ran the entire way home, back to the house he had shared for months with Heero, hoping to outrace the pain clawing at his heart.

~End Flashback~

Duo hugged his legs tighter, hoping to find some measure of comfort in the action. _How could I have been such a fool?! Of course someone like him wouldn't want to be with a worthless little orphan from L2. He deserves better and he knows it. Maybe… maybe Relena can give him what he deserves. Maybe she'll be able to make him happy, since it seems I can't._ He lifted his head a little, violet eyes widening slightly as something occurred to him. _I'm probably just a burden to him anyway. He'll be much happier without me in his life, the stupid, hyper, braided baka constantly underfoot. Why would anyone want someone as useless and worthless as me around? As Duo's thoughts grew darker and more self-berating, he realized something that he should have seen from the beginning. _No one needs or wants me here. Heero, Quatre, Wufei, Trowa… They'll all be better off without me._ With a small nod, he made a decision. __I'll just remove my annoying self from their lives permanently. _

Duo stood slowly and made his way to his room. Opening the top drawer of the dresser, he pulled out an extremely sharp dagger, which gleamed brightly in the moonlight filtering through the window. "Yes," he whispered. "This will do nicely."

To be continued…

A/N: *sniff* I'm such a mean person, making Duo cry. If you want to find out what Duo's going to do with that knife, read the next chapter. Remember, it's been scientifically proven that reviewers are 30% smarter then normal people. Constructive criticism is always welcome, but flames will be laughed at, sent to my friends to be laughed at some more, and then cheerfully used to roast marshmallows. Ciao4now! ^_^


	2. Tourniquet

Return to Me Salvation

By FantasiCat

Disclaimer: Think about it, if I owned Gundam Wing would I be writing fanfics?

Author's Notes: Umm, this is my first Gundam Wing fic, AND my first real angst writing experience, so please tell me what you think. Also, I don't know much about the series or characters except what I read in Episode Zero and fanfics. Any OOC-ness is accidental. Oh yeah, and the song "Tourniquet" is by Evanescence. That's about it, so let's start the fic!

_Italics are thoughts_

**Bold is song lyrics**

Chapter 2: Tourniquet

Duo sat on the floor in the middle of his room, mesmerized by the play of moonlight on the blade in his hand. _It's for the best, he told himself. __I'll be out of everyone's hair for good. They won't have to worry about the stupid, worthless baka anymore. Fully convinced that this was the best plan, he slowly lowered the knife to his wrist. __Best get it over with quickly, Duo thought, and in one fluid motion slashed his left arm from the wrist almost to the elbow. As he watched the blood well up from the cut, he wondered absently why it didn't hurt. Then the pain hit him._

**I tried to kill the pain  
But only brought more**

**(So much more)  **

He lay back, gasping in agony. _All for you, Heero. I hope… I hope you'll be happy when I'm gone. As the pain intensified, Duo realized the full, entire consequences of his actions. _I'm really going to die now. Oh God, I don't want to die!_ Tears fell unnoticed from his wide eyes to disappear into his hair as he began to really pray for the first time since Father Maxwell died and the church had been destroyed._

**I lay dying  
And I'm pouring crimson regret and betrayal  
I'm dying praying bleeding and screaming  
Am I too lost to be saved  
Am I too lost?**

_Please God, I don't want to die. I don't want to die! _Duo stopped his silent pleading for salvation. _I may not want to die, but my dieing will make Heero happy. And I want Heero to be happy._

**My God my tourniquet  
Return to me salvation  
My God my tourniquet  
Return to me salvation**

Even in death, Heero filled his thoughts. Duo wondered if Heero had ever meant all the things he had said to him. _He had almost convinced me that I was worth something. That the world needed me. That he loved me. Duo almost laughed at his naïveté, but it hurt too much. _I wonder if I was ever anything more to him then an amusing distraction. Oh well, I guess it doesn't matter anymore. I hope I'll see you on the other side, Heero.__

**Do you remember me  
Lost for so long  
Will you be on the other side  
Or will you forget me?**

The pain began to fade and be replaced by a soothing lassitude that was both fiery hot and freezing at the same time. _Huh, thought Duo sleepily.__ Maybe dying isn't so bad after all. I wish I could have said goodbye to my friends. Too late for that now. His eyes began to slide closed._

**I'm dying praying bleeding and screaming  
Am I too lost to be saved  
Am I too lost?  
My God my tourniquet  
Return to me salvation  
My God my tourniquet  
Return to me salvation**

Just as Duo was giving into the compulsion to sleep, the sound of the front door banging open reverberated through the house, followed by the sound of Heero's voice calling his name frantically. _Oh Heero, thought Duo.__ You're still trying to look out for me, aren't you? Well, you won't have to worry about me any longer. Just as he finished his thought, the door to his room flew open and Heero ran in. Duo caught sight of his frantic, pain-filled blue eyes as he fell to his knees beside him and gathered his limp body into his arms. The last thing Duo heard was Heero's whispered plea of, "Please don't die." Then everything went black as he slid into the still waters of oblivion._

**My wounds cry for the grave  
My soul cries for deliverance  
Will I be denied Christ  
Tourniquet  
My suicide**

To be continued…

A/N: I… can't believe I just wrote that. *sob sob* Poor Duo! I hate angst so much! Is Duo really dead? You'll have read the next chapter to find out! Ciao4now.

Like it? Hate it? REVIEW IT! Everyone who reviews gets a virtual glomp and a cookie courtesy of yours truly.


	3. Reconciliation

Return to Me Salvation

By FantasiCat

Disclaimer: *thinks carefully* Nope, still don't own 'em.

Author's Notes: This is it, the last chapter of my first foray into the world of Gundam Wing angst. I hope you all enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. Reviews, as always, are more than welcome. Ciao4now! ^_^

_Italics are thoughts_

Underlined is emphasis

Chapter 3: Reconciliation

Duo's rise to consciousness was a slow, gradual thing. When he finally opened his eyes, it was to a world that was much too bright, and totally unfamiliar. He almost gave into the urge to flee, but soon realized he was too tired, and in too much pain to do anything except lie still. He closed his eyes again to block out the intrusive light. _Let's look at this logically, he thought. __I'm in a bright white room, with an uncomfortable bed, and everything's excessively clean. It would seem that I'm in a hospital. But how'd I get here… Suddenly, the memories flooded back to him. Heero, Relena, the knife, Heero cradling him against his chest, and finally the peaceful darkness. Duo sobbed harshly as he came to grips with the fact that his suicide attempt was not successful._

The sound woke up the youth slumped in the corner, who had gone unnoticed in Duo's examination of the room. Heero, seeing that Duo was finally awake, hurried to his side. "Are you alright?" he asked softly, reaching out to touch Duo's face. He quickly pulled his hand back when he saw Duo flinch away. A pair of angry, hurt violet eyes pinned him in place, making it impossible for Heero to escape.

"Why?" Duo demanded. "Why did you save me?"

Heero did not look away from Duo as he answered softly, "I saved because I love you." 

Duo laughed bitterly. "Don't you dare give me anymore of that bullshit! If you love me, then why did you betray my trust and fuck that whore Relena? What, were you bored of me or something?" 

Heero did look away then, but only for a second, before his pleading cobalt blue eyes found Duo's once more. "Please, Duo, let me explain… Please just grant me that. Then I promise I'll leave if you want me to"

There was a long pause as Duo considered the request. "Fine," he said shortly, and settled back against the pillows on his bed.

Heero took a deep breath, and started to tell Duo the story. "When we got to the party, Relena dragged me off, saying she had something to discuss with me in private, something important. I couldn't say no on the off chance that she really significant to say. She took me to the library, sat me in front of the fireplace, and left, returning quickly with drinks. She gave one to me and I took it out of habit. For a while she chattered on randomly about various inconsequential things as I sipped whatever it was she had given me, waiting for her to get to the point." He paused for breath, and then continued. 

"After a time, I found that I could still feel, see, smell, and hear everything around me, but I could not get my body to do anything. It would not respond to any of the commands I gave it. Relena soon noticed my struggles, and began to chuckle. She told me that she had slipped a drug into my drink, an experimental drug, that would allow someone other then myself to control my body's actions." 

Duo gasped, outraged that Relena would stoop so low. _Was she really that desperate? He wondered absently as Heero continued his narrative. "To prove what she said was true, she command me to come and kneel at her feet As you can probably imagine, I was not pleased with this turn of events and struggled violently, but soon found myself doing exactly what Relena had told me to do. She had me do a few other simple things to show the measure of power she had over me. Then…" _

He paused again, coming to the part of the story he was most ashamed of. "Then, she told me to kiss her. I couldn't stop it, no matter how hard I tried. Soon after that, you came in. When I saw your shocked expression, I wanted to say something, explain what was happening, but I still had no control over my actions. My anger at the whole situation, my rage at Relena for doing this to me, all of it seemed to multiply itself 100 times when I saw the pain in your face. Almost as soon as you fled, I could feel the power of the drug over me weakening as my fury burned it out my system at an extremely accelerated rate. About five minutes later, the drug had worn off enough that I could move, awkwardly, of my own volition. I knocked Relena unconscious and ran as fast as I could after you. By the time I was halfway home, the drug was gone entirely."

Heero looked deeply into Duo's eyes, willing him to see the truth of his words. "I got home and called your name, over and over. When you didn't answer, I raced upstairs, and found you lying on the floor of our room, surrounded by blood and white as a sheet. I panicked, completely lost it then. I knew that if you died, I wouldn't have been able to survive it."

For the first time in his life, Duo Maxwell was speechless. When he finally found his voice again, he said quietly, "I thought you were tired of me. That I was too stupid and worthless for someone like you to care about me." He looked away, unable to meet Heero's eyes. 

Heero pulled Duo tightly into his arms, careful of his wounds, and growled fiercely. "You are not worthless or stupid. You are beautiful, captivating, capable, intelligent…" He sighed, loosening his possessive hold slightly. "I keep waiting for the day when you're going to become tired of me," he whispered softly.

"Never," Duo whispered back. He smiled. "You're gonna be stuck with me for the rest of your life."

"Good," Heero smiled back at him, and then became serious again. "I love you."

"I love you too," Duo replied, snuggling into Heero's embrace. "And don't you ever forget it."

"Of course not. Now, do feel up to a visit? There are several people who are dying to see how you're doing."

"Hmm… I don't know," said Duo playfully. "Will they have presents?" Just then the door burst open, and a veritably swarm of people came in, headed up by Quatre, Trowa, and Wufei, as well as many other good friends, all of whom were talking at the same time. Duo laughed at the chaotic sight, and Heero smiled at seeing the mischievous sparkle back in Duo's eyes. _Everything's going to be alright from now on, he thought, watching Duo effortlessly holding three different conversations at once, while attacking the pile of gifts that seemed to have appeared out of thin air. _I won't let anything come between us like that again._ Heero smiled as Duo pulled him over to help unwrap gifts and, laughing, joined in the impromptu party._

~Owari~

A/N: That's it! It's over! No more fic! Sorry about the ending, but I couldn't seem to find a good stopping place. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed reading this. Please, I'm begging you, review and tell me what you thought. Whether you liked it or hated it, I don't care. Tell me how you think I can improve my writing. Everyone who leaves any kind of review gets a virtual glomp and cookie. Remember, flames only make the flamer in question look stupid, and gives me the excuse to make s'mores. I think I'll end my senseless rambling at this time. Ciao4now! ^_^ 

Muse credit goes to: Tarrell, the big fluffy kitty

Tarrell: I am not a big fluffy kitty! I'm a fierce hunter and warrior leopard!

FantasiCat: Riiiiight, you keep telling yourself that. ^_~


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